After attending my first DISC conference at Dragos yesterday, I realize how easy it is to experience feelings of imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is that feeling like everyone else around you knows so much more than you and you don’t have much to contribute. A good description of it can be found in WebBreacher’s blog and video from BSidesDC 2017 at https://webbreacher.com/2017/02/17/imposter-feelings-resources/.
The DISC conference is a yearly internal Dragos conference. DISC allows Dragos personnel to talk about some of their research and present some levels of information that aren’t always appropriate for public release at normal security conferences. There may be semi-private releases about activity groups, internal research projects, discussions about lessons learned from customer engagements, and other really powerful content. DISC 2019 was no different. The lineup of speakers and the topics at this year’s conference were outstanding and the presenters themselves were very engaging on stage in front of over 300 people, split about half staff and half customers and visitors. Listening to the amazing content, my feelings of imposter syndrome really kicked in.
I come from an engineering background, not a cyber security, computer science, or networking background. About 5 years after I started working, I was given the opportunity to move into an ICS networking project. I was the only one working on this project for a number of years, so I didn’t really have anyone to teach me networking, writing test tools, and the specifics of ICS implementations. I had to teach myself for the most part. I stuck my foot in my mouth multiple times while learning and got shutdown by multiple people who were “superstars.” Even after being in the ICS cyber security world for almost 20 years, I regularly feel like I don’t always belong.
I joined Dragos in August 2019, which means I’ve been here a little over 2 months at this point. I’m no longer the “new guy,” but I’m still not part of the old guard at Dragos. I’m still learning the way Dragos does things and getting used to the flow of startup culture. I’m getting there, and I realize I still have a long way to go.
That said, I work with some amazing, smart, talented people. Not only that, they are all welcoming and willing to talk and teach the things they are working on. I’ve been told multiple times that people are excited to work with me and feel that they could learn a lot from me. My normal imposter syndrome kicks in often during these conversations. My internal voice is always like, “What I’m doing isn’t really that impressive. I’m not as smart as all these other people. Anyone could do what I’ve done if they just thought about it a little.”
What I need to remind myself to fight the imposter syndrome is that Dragos doesn’t hire mediocre people. We are all amazing in our own ways. I wouldn’t be here if they didn’t see value in my experience, knowledge, and desire to learn. I’m also not a full-of-myself “superstar” that’s a walking policy #1 violation, like some people in the industry. I may not know what some of the other really smart people in the company know, but I’ve got my own set of knowledge that can help move Dragos forward. I belong here. I feel like I’m part of the Dragos family. While my imposter syndrome will probably never go away, I feel like I belong here more than any other place I’ve been before.